“Pregnancy Gleam” by Nicole Anyadike

29 Aug

To the ones who don’t know… It’s not that you’re slow, but you let this guy take a piece of your soul and fill it up with his intentions and plant it right there… into your ovaries for 9 months of conception. Are you feeling lost? Lonely? Do you sometimes feel as if  you gave your goods to a dog like a piece of bologna? And you ask yourself.. how could that sweet loving bliss turn into something like this?

When the world and everything in it walked away from you, the sky turned blue. You accumulated your tears in a bucket as the neighbors watched the rain wash their window looking at the sky of blue thunder, while you’re trying to knock out the sounds of your emotions like we do when the Jehovah’s Witness arrives… who did you tell when you felt deprived?

Sometimes I wish I could of just scooped up your pile of tears and told you listen to your spirit when you got weak, and just  use it as purification for your face, because what breaks you can only make you. Sometimes I wish I could have replaced your hands with mine and sketched that outfit you said you couldn’t make come to life and paint those pictures of who really loves  you. Sometimes wish I could of caught you three months before you turned 16, because if I did… on August 26th the doctors wouldn’t have to hear you scream.

I know right now your soul is aching when it plays the piano in the dark. You collab with those creatures whom we are afraid of when they come out in the dark. But you make a BEAUTIFUL melody. If you were to play Beethoven in the dark, those graceful hands would touch the souls of those who were antiemetic. Your like a lantern in dark uniting those lost souls, locking hands and singing: “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, I’m gonna let it shine…”

With the 2 inches of body fat you used to pinch and label gut has how turned into 37 weeks of a mother and baby in development. You need to now find happiness within the man upstairs as your walking through the judgments of people from different points of view and laughing with those who aren’t true.

In 3 weeks, your baby is going to be here. But 205 days ago when that test came positive you were about to say no. As a mother, you gotta be the hawk for your family and it’s needs. I’m not saying all men are perfect, but when things not goin’ right you need to have your soul in place and use the skin from the Holy Bible as protection and mix those pages of wisdom with the cerebral fluid in your brain and store it like you would for your baby’s umbilical cord. B/c you may never know when your gonna need it.

Maintaining that systolic 120 and the dialostic 80. Trying to have less complications for her and her baby. Because the clock is ticking, there’s no script… this is reality. There’s only 84 600 seconds in a day, which gives her 24 hours and no room to play. She’s not living like she’s dying… wailing out that controversial motto: YOLO. Thank God, it wasn’t YOYO (you on your own) when the pressure was on her and the seed has grown. With God’s grace, she made it without being alone.  Don’t think this poem is to condone Teenage pregnancies its to keep those juvenile souls from roaming alone without  guidance from our Father in Heaven.

~

Ayvaunn Penn is an award-winning writer pursuing her graduate degrees in dramatic writing and acting. She is also a freelance editorpoet, and spoken word artist. To like Your Black Poets on Facebook, click here. To become Ayvaunn’s Facebook friend, click here.

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